“You don’t need therapy, you just need to get organised”

If there’s one thing that has been demonstrated to me, over and over and over – both in my own life and in the life of my coaching clients - is that stress is essentially an environment thing.  Perhaps you’re stressed and feel ‘tired and emotional’.  You might assume that the only way of solving it is to go into therapy for a few months (or years).  But essentially you have two choices.  You could either spend a lot of time focussing on your feelings  and looking for a deep-rooted cause, or you could look at it another way.  Just get organised, be a pragmatist and create an environment that supports your life.

Examples of supportive environments include your finances, a car that works, a supportive family, a house that’s well run, a nice working environment, a fully stocked freezer, a place for everything, a healthy digestive system, supportive, genuine friends (!) and personal habits and a diet that support you so you’ve got enough energy to cope with what life throws at you.  Get the idea??

I’m not talking about the stress associated with the breakup of a relationship, death of a child, or a long term illness. That’s different.  I want to make it clear that in these scenarios would require a different approach.

But for some episodes of stress and anxiety – you might not need to go down the road of looking at the past, or exploring some deep-rooted issues (let’s face it, we’ve all got issues haven’t we?!).  Because you may delude yourself into thinking you have a faulty gene that’s suddenly triggered depression, which needs urgent medical intervention or a spell in The Priory. 

Let me give you an example.  Picture this – you’re marriage is on the rocks, your husband comes home and announces that he’s £100,000 in debt, he’s doing nothing about it, except sits and watches the TV every night.  You’ve been a stay at home mum for 25 years and devoted everything you have to your family.  Now you’ve got the twin worry of massive debts, a failing marriage and you’ve lost your confidence because you thought that you’d be happily looking forward to slowing down and preparing for retirement, not looking for a job.

Instead, you’re not sleeping, you can’t eat and you’re worried sick about the future.  Every night you cry yourself to sleep and you’re smoking far too much and drinking more than you should.  The combined effects of lack of sleep, poor diet and no future are a hefty cocktail, guaranteed to affect your thinking and ability to solve the problem.  Your first thoughts might be to seek out a therapist to ‘make you feel better’, and calm your fears. 

The problem is that women tackle problems in the same way.  Because we are all a bit clannish, we sit and chat about stuff – but get very cross when our partners go and tell us how to solve the problem.  Those interfering Men From Mars again! But men have a point.  Quit whingeing and DO SOMETHING! 

So, if you’re sat there wondering why all this stress is doing your head in, and nobody cares, and it’s all everyone else’s fault and you’re fed up and, this and that and blah blah blah.  Stop!  They are just excuses.  Excuses that stop you from being in charge of your own life.  Nobody is going to wave a magic wand and make it better.  Maybe it’s time to take stock, take responsiblity and create your own future – by taking some action.  

The easy way out is to go and get tea and sympathy.  But there’s only so much of that to go around.  And the trouble is, it’s addictive!  You end up becoming a bottomless pit of need which can never be filled!  What is needed here is a plan, the courage to act on it, and the opportunity to take control of your own life.  This creates hope, confidence and enthusiasm. 

Three magic words.  Hope, confidence and enthusiasm.  When you’ve got those, you can conquer the world!

If’ you’ve got stress in your life, I’ve a FREE resource that can help you get started called “The Busy Mum’s De-Stress Pack“ which is a quick and easy e-book containing 10 strategies which are the cornerstone of my book, and taken from the work that I’ve done with some of my Coaching clients who were suffering with stress.  Click here to take a look at a short video about this e-book. 

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone” Audrey Hepburn