I’ve been thinking this week.  What does it really take to finally step up and to take a seat at the winners table?

I think this is a common challenge for many people with aspirations to be successful.  They may have tons of talent but the one thing standing in their way is paradoxically their own self belief (or lack of).

How can you accept the recognition you deserve – when you still feel the urge to justify your existence on the planet, by conforming  to everyone else’s definition of success? This could be even more of a challenge if you are in the process of completely reinventing yourself or are in the middle of a career change just now.  Lots of people are by the way, so you’re not alone.

I’ve met many people (myself included) who’ve changed directions and spent way too much time focusing on making themselves ready. They’ve done the work but still fret about what everyone else thinksof them.  They’ve spent thousands of hours perfecting their skills yet still yearn for the ‘thumbs up’ – the validation that says “OK You’re in”.  But who says that you need anyone else’s approval anyway?  What qualifies another person to validate your existence?  When all you need to do is just claim it.

I’ve met dozens of ’Course Junkies’ who will never ever be ready.  They’ve spent a small fortune on endless  workshops and seminars, but continually invent excuses as to why they’re still not ‘stepping up’; they just don’t seem to be able to take the leap to greatness. Why is this…?

As very small children we have no problems accepting ourselves.  We fearlessly smile at strangers, are effortlessly funny, ask for what we want and assume we will be nurtured and loved unconditionally.  We haven’t the slightest hint of doubt about who we are.  Until, that is, an authority figures in our life – e.g. someone who we respect (teacher, parent, guardian) who either deliberately or unintentionally reprogrammes the perfectly good working model we have been given until our brilliance fades away. 

Women in particular are masters at  conforming to what they think is normal all in the name of pleasing others.  This new ’version’ then is hard-wired into their psyche until they forget who they really are.  Over time we may get occasional fleeting glimpses of this great person we’ve lost. 

But peer pressure is a very powerful thing…

For example, take one of my clients who’s inner ‘Goddess’ (for want of a better word) was trying desperately to put in an appearance.  Goddess  found an outlet at parties and was ’allowed out’ to have some fun but only because she could blame it on the alcohol.  Her husband just didn’t want this other person around and over the years he chipped away with snide comments and accusations until she was permanently gagged.

Eventually however, she did eventually let Goddess back into her life, and she’s never looked back, because essentially it was the real her anyway!  Now she feels more in the flow than she’s ever been in her life, and isn’t fighting or in denial about herself.  She doesn’t have to apologise, she doesn’t have to adapt or conform any more to please someone else.  It took a while to acknowledge this truth, but she knew she couldn’t go on any longer pretending she was someone else. Oh and by the way…her husband is now her ex-husband.

Think about this – your personality is eternal and completely unique - and just like a snowflake – perfect in every way; or it was before someone else came along and tainted the image. 

So…your challenge this week if you’re struggling with taking yourself to where you really want to go, is to say to yourself… “I was born great.  I was Born Ready.  I am Enough” – and when a certain person behaves in a way which diminishes you in some way, either by their words, their body language or the look in their eyes – all you must do is think “You may well believe that, but I know I was born ready, I was born great… Because I said so!”

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 “It’s not where you start it’s where you finish”?  so the song goes…meaning that you don’t necessarily have to START OUT as a winner, but provided you make the decision to be one – you can acquire the  necessary skills along the way. 

It’s Day 5 of my personal 30 Day Challenge, and this weekend I’ve been looking at my attitude.  Let’s face it we could all use something to give us a kick in the pants when we start feeling sorry for ourselves.  However, sometimes it’s worth stepping back to look at the big picture and reflect.  So yesterday I deliberately stepped off the roundabout for a day to rest and recharge the batteries.

I’ve started to read a book called “Winning” by Frank Dick, O.B.E. former director of Coaching for British Athletics.  He talks about the difference between Valley people and Mountain people.   Valley people seek the calm and comfortable ground of shelter, safety and security – their concept of achievement is ‘not losing’, and belong to the ’woulda, coulda, shouda’ brigade. 

Mountain people however, have decided that valley life is not for them and seek to test ambition on the toughest climbs.  They know that there is rich satisfaction in reaching the top and the fight that’s needed to get there.

Whilst reading I also learnt something very interesting from Miroslav Vanek, former President of the International Federation of Sport Psychologists.  He did a comparison studay between motivation and talent.  What was evident from his study that the most talented athletes did not have the same high level of motivation as the less gifted, who had to learn to deal with defeat.  Therefore, those athletes who had not had the chance to develop a resilience to defeat – “a resilience they would need in the senior arena where every athlete, no matter how able, sooner or late faces defeat, because their abilities had never been challenged. These athletes had never stretched themselves” .

He goes on to say that the less talented athletes had been obliged to learn, to adapt, to fight, to bounce back.  They had learnt to face change. 

In my particular line of work, there has been a lot of change, I’ve had to think of how I can adapt – whilst still applying all the knowledge and skill I have acquired over the years.  It became clear to  me whilst reading this book (and I haven’t finished it yet), that essentially we all have inherent talents and attributes, but that’s only half the equation. 

What I took from this is that in actuality – it’s my own personal attributes – which are applied in the field to overcome obstacles, regardless of what product or service I’ve produced.  Without these attributes I would be unable to handle myself in challenging times, deal with change or setbacks.  Without it - I would be blaming my circumstances, or feel a victim or powerless in the face of these external influences. 

I had to admit to myself – that yes as a kid I was talented - but as to whether or not I had it within myself to accept defeat was something else.  Then I recalled the time I was selected to trial for my County as a sprinter.  On the day I didn’t even get a chance to compete because I slipped and fell flat on my face at the start line.  Speechless disapointment followed.  Then there was the time I was unable to successfully defend my long jump title because I delivered 3 ‘no jumps’ in a row, and walked away in tears.  Then there was the really disappointment of being beaten into 3rd place by .5cm at an important long jump event, and therefore missing out on the All England Championships later that season. 

Sure I probably did allow those things to ‘hang around’ for a few days – before having a meaningful discussion with my Coach and looking for alternatives or ‘finding the positives’ in the situation – which I eventually did. 

So…whenyou translate that into business, think about this.  You’ve got a great product or an amazing service.  But that’s not enough.

In order to pass the winning post first requires a decision to work on yourself as well.  You may only be running a business part-time or have only just started, or you’re about to diversity, but consider yourself as a mountain person.

• Concentrate on what’s important.  Whatever discomfort or sacrifice or inconvenience you are experiencing NOW may be temporary – but the short term pain will be worth it in the long run
• Commit to being a professional and aim for excellence.  Ask yourself from now on “how can I add value – how can I be even better”. 
• Go the extra mile in all areas.  What would the best of the best be thinking and doing right now?
• Believe in yourself first  – work with a trusted adviser, mentor or coach.  Plaster your house with slogans that tell you you’re amazing.  Stay away from the dream stealers and their tiny minds.
• Be flexible to changing circumstances and be open to new opportunities.  Even difficulties have within them potential profitable opportunities
• Be organised - treat your business and yourself as a professional at all times – even if nobody can necessarily see everything going on in the background – remember you’ll know which is just as important

Have you ever faced a situation which required you to dig deep to find the courage, stamina and self belief in order to take on a new challenge, overcome a massive disappointment or grasp the biggest opportunity you’ve ever been given in your life?

If you had an aura of absolute certainty and conviction around you, what would that do for you?  Would it be useful to feel as steady as a rock, no matter what setbacks you faced?

I watched Jonathan Ross interview Barbara Streisand last year.  He asked her about the downside of being famous and how difficult it must be to get out and lead a normal life.  She said that it was always a problem which she couldn’t ever really find an answer to.

However, that there was one occasion where she wanted to go shopping, but was worried about the unwanted attention of fans.  But she went out with a friend, and for half an hour she pretended that she was just plain ‘Barbara’who’d never done anything remarkable in her life and couldn’t even sing.

She was able to carry this on for about half an hour; AND NOBODY NOTICED HER.  Until she switched back to superstar Barbara and all of a sudden people started to point and look and notice her. 

So when we’re talking about self belief, could it be as simple as changing your thoughts?  Is it as simple as that?? 

Marilyn Monroe used the same trick when she went out walking.  If she didn’t want anyone to notice her, she’d revert back to Norma Jean Baker; but the minute she became Marilyn that changed and she’d have people swarming around her.

What thoughts do you regularly hold in your mind about WHO you are?  Stop for a minute. Please.

What have you been thinking about today.  What have you been saying to yourself?  Who do YOU imagine you are when you walk into a room?  What posture do you adopt – are you thinking and feeling like the head of your organisation, even if it is just you running your business from your spare bedroom?  Do you treat yourself like a professional, an expert.  Or are you thinking that you’re not good enough, and that everyone else must be much more successful or accomplished than you?  Do you put yourself down and constantly compare yourself to others in a scratched record kind of way?  Or are your thoughts filled with fretting about last month’s sales figures or that disappointing meeting you’ve just had?

What if you decided today that you were going to BE who you wanted to BECOME, and chose to be that person from now on.  We all have dreams of our ultimate lifestyle, but change starts from within the quality of your thoughts on a daily basis.  OK if you’re a little skeptical about this, just humour me and be that person just for today.

Just for today try that notion on for size and see what changes.  Because I know that when you do – people will pick this up at such a quantum level and like a ripple effect, your energy will spread through the room and the dynamics of your conversations change. 

AND if you made a decision to reprogramme your thoughts, do you really need other people to keep telling you how amazing you are – when you already know?  On an energetic level just reflect on how much stronger your ego will be, and how the energy of your ego will be expanding and connecting with other postive energies and drawing them to you – leading to new connections, meetings, opportunities and new ideas which will all serve to grow your business in an entirely new and exciting way. 

So, just for today.  Do it as an experiment.  Let me know what happens.