Jimi Hendrix once said  “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace”

What can you do with the people you can’t deal with, who’ve disappointed you, hurt  you or you just don’t understand?

I was talking with one of my clients this week who was a bit stressed after visiting her parents.  My client sometimes struggled to understand why her parents spent their days being miserable.  They tolerated things that were unacceptable or clearly needed fixing.  Because they were from a different generation, anything remotely associated with Self Development wasn’t really their thing either.   Each time my client visited them she would leave feeling sad and frustrated because they were constantly complaining about something or other, doomed to go round and round in circles, but refusing to accept any help.  Being unable to DO anything to help them, despite the fact that she didn’t like to see them suffer, was really painful for her.

So I’ve  introduced her to ‘Pink Love Bombs’.  Love Bombs are fluffy bundles of energy that you send to people with just your intention or thoughts.  A friend of mine introduced me to this strategy that she used with someone in her life who she wasn’t getting along with.  She puts it this way…

“To be honest I’m not sure that the person I was sending love bombs to really changed, but in my head I could release the tension a little, as I’d stopped focusing on my negative feelings towards them and focused on positive love! Not easy at all, but it’s all just a state of mind isn’t it?  By being angry / frustrated / upset, I was only hurting myself.”

You can send Love Bombs  using the power of your mind and with pure intention to those people in your life who may disappoint or frustrate you. You may care for them, but perhaps the relationship is experiencing problems. There may be a yawning chasm of misunderstanding between you which you are unable to reconcile.  But when you send positive, affirming energy to others, this energy expands and invites more energy, and positive experiences into your life.  Don’t we always feel so much better when we do something for others – no matter how small or seemingly insignificant…?

From a personal point of view, recently I  experienced a big disappointment in my life, and felt really sad about one particular person who let me down. There was nothing I could say or do to change things.  So I’ve decided to adapt the Love Bomb approach and do a variation on a theme and send a  ‘Blue Forgiveness Bomb’ to them instead.  In fact I sent an aerial bombardment, just to make sure.   I can’t change what’s happened between us, but least it will help me let go of any negative energy and be at peace with the situation.

Then I got thinking.  Let’s not stop there! You could actually have a lot of fun with this idea.  What about sending Orange Energy Bombs?   You can send one to someone close to you who’s not feeling too great.  You may feel helpless or guilty because you aren’t able to do anything for them because you have too much going on in your own life.  We can’t always be in a position to help those less fortunate than ourselves, – but you could  send them energy or love bombs instead!

What about Silver Peace Bombs - we all know that war only creates death, victims and perpetuates hatred; let’s lob a few peace bombs to a war zone instead. The possiblities are endless!

Do you get the idea?

So instead of hurling abuse or getting even (and giving yourself a stomach ulcer and raised blood pressure by the way), send a Love Bomb! What about sending one to the traffic warden who’s just given you a parking ticket and has refused to accept your explanation as to why you’re one minute too late getting back to you car? Perhaps your struggling to understand or connect with your kids, or they’ve temporarily gone off the rails.  You might not like or condone their behaviour but you can still send them love.

Let’s carpet bomb the whole world with Love Bombs! 

It might sound a bit of a Hippie concept and too ‘far out’ for you of course, but that’s fine.  But they say that if you ruthlessly and deliberately bombard someone with enough positive energy, even someone who’s not being particularly nice to you, eventually you will break down their resistance and they won’t be mean to you for very long.   Let’s face it, nobody could resist a shower of Unconditional love bomb-lets could they? Could you?? 

This isn’t the same as being a toad, a doormat or giving insincere flattery- plus its having the courage to walk away from and not be sucked into negative circumstances.

Unconditional love  asks nothing in return and has no agenda.   Give a hardened criminal enough unconditional love and allow them to feel good about themselves, and eventually you can turn their life around. 

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone” Audrey Hepburn

Go ahead send a Love Bomb to someone and let me know what happens  – leave your comments here!

At 24 Raphael Nadal has once more become the Single Handed Champion of the World by winning this years Mens Singles Title at Wimbledon. 

The Spaniard has been my favourite tennis player since he first burst onto the tennis scene a few years ago.  Characterised by his sheer physical presence and dominant play, this humble and unassuming champion is an unrelenting opponent who is very difficult to beat.

But what is it about him that has secured his place as the world no. 1 Tennis Champion?   This despite the fact that at this year’s Wimbledon tournament, I don’t think he played that well.  In his match against Andy Murray for instance, it could have gone either way. In this match he actually served less aces and in other matches he only just scraped through 5 sets to get to the next round.  BUT as one of the commentators in one of his matches very astutely pointed out; under the close stewardship of his Uncle and Coach, Toni Nadal, Raphael has the resources within himself to come through.  He does whatever it takes to win.

Last year he was all but written off by some people after a knee injury robbed him of the opportunity to defend his Wimbledon title.  However, he played well enough to beat  the big czech Tomas Berdych in the Mens Singles Final in straight sets this year.  Nadal charges around the court like a bull, and like a matador uses his mind and skill to create opportunities to defeat his opponents. 

So it’s clear here that becoming a winner can often be a rocky road.  

Question. What is it that’s missing from your success strategy that could – if you borrowed an idea from successful people,  lead to success in your life and career – even you are up against it right now?

1. Decide 

When you make a decision, when you choose a path – that is probably one of the most important decisions you will ever make.  Making that mental shift and deciding on the outcome you want, and being absolutely clear about that is the first, but very crucial step

2.     Don’t get sucked into the negative energy

Have you ever been in a situation where you have literally or figuratively fallen flat on your face?  How long did you allow the feelings of disappointment, anger, or humiliation stay with you?  Get Over it. Move on.  Because the longer you let these feelings hang around, the more time you’re wasting which could more usefully be employed to propel yourself towards your objectives. 

3.   It’s all about your language

One thing I need to get clear on right away.  You are what you think you are, all day long.  Meaning that what you think about – you are!  So, the words that you choose to describe your current circumstances (i.e. rubbish, crap, terrible, loathsome, awful, a nightmare) are all words that have energy attached to them – and energy expands.  And when it expands it touches other people. OK it’s fine to use these words occasionally, especially if it gets a laugh, but choosing these words on a routine basis to describe yourself, or your circumstances are self fulfilling.  Choose other words that are more empowering i.e. (challenging, interesting, amusing, temporary). 

4.   Associate with other winners

Do the people you are in regular contact with share the same beliefs and values as you?   Listen to their conversations…are they talking about the terrible weather the awful traffic, how dreadful they feel, all the time?  And do you join in?  If that’s the case…then don’t go there!  Decide to change your mind and find people who talk in more positive and affirming terms.  Or shine a light somewhere for someone else and more will follow you.

5.   Spread your influence

Do you have an opinion? Are you awake and switched on enough to be in the driving seat of your life and career?   Do you care about something passionately enough to fulfil your life’s purpose? Or are you sitting waiting for the world to come to you to rescue you instead?  When you get in touch with your own success intelligence, and think, talk  and act in a way that is inspiring to others, you in turn elevate your profile and your influence.  Progress and success is like a fire.  Without energy being directed towards it to keep the flames alive – it will go out.  That energy can only come from one place – you!

6.   Push Push Push

Raphael Nadal literally throws himself around the tennis court.  He is almost unstoppable.  Sometimes there is no substitute for literally rolling up your sleeves and when you’re up against it, just getting on with it.  If your response to challenge is howls of outrage or moaning about how awful  everything is, this just puts you right back into the victim’s corner.  Yes tough times do come along for everyone; but I know it sounds so simple, but how you deal with something says more about you as a person than the circumstance itself.  So push against things, use the challenge to demand more, ask for more, give more and think more intelligently. 

7.   “It’s never over until the last point is played”

…said a Wimbledon contender who’d just been knocked out of the tournament.  She battled on until the very last point was played.  On the day it didn’t go her way – but it might well have.  So go the extra 2 miles instead of the extra 1 mile, get up an hour earlier, work an hour longer, apply your mind, make a sacrifice somewhere, refuse to give up, decide not to give in and look for other opportunities.  Making a resolution with yourself.  Write it down.  Never stop. Never give in. Ever.  That’s energy!

8.  Rediscover your success intelligence

Sometimes when difficult times come along this is precisely the time not to back off, panic or start to doubt yourself.  Because way down there somewhere, hidden away in some dark recess of your mind, resides the key to your success.  Sometimes this quality is only activated during times of extreme duress. When the pressure is so colossal that you may fear that you will disintegrate under the strain – centre yourself, go to that place and ask it some questions.  Wait for the answers – it may surprise you.

What’s your special secret for staying successful? Share it here and shine a light for someone else.  In the meantime I’m looking forward to more tennis in the Autumn at the World ATP Tour. Vamos Nadal!

 “It’s not where you start it’s where you finish”?  so the song goes…meaning that you don’t necessarily have to START OUT as a winner, but provided you make the decision to be one – you can acquire the  necessary skills along the way. 

It’s Day 5 of my personal 30 Day Challenge, and this weekend I’ve been looking at my attitude.  Let’s face it we could all use something to give us a kick in the pants when we start feeling sorry for ourselves.  However, sometimes it’s worth stepping back to look at the big picture and reflect.  So yesterday I deliberately stepped off the roundabout for a day to rest and recharge the batteries.

I’ve started to read a book called “Winning” by Frank Dick, O.B.E. former director of Coaching for British Athletics.  He talks about the difference between Valley people and Mountain people.   Valley people seek the calm and comfortable ground of shelter, safety and security – their concept of achievement is ‘not losing’, and belong to the ’woulda, coulda, shouda’ brigade. 

Mountain people however, have decided that valley life is not for them and seek to test ambition on the toughest climbs.  They know that there is rich satisfaction in reaching the top and the fight that’s needed to get there.

Whilst reading I also learnt something very interesting from Miroslav Vanek, former President of the International Federation of Sport Psychologists.  He did a comparison studay between motivation and talent.  What was evident from his study that the most talented athletes did not have the same high level of motivation as the less gifted, who had to learn to deal with defeat.  Therefore, those athletes who had not had the chance to develop a resilience to defeat – “a resilience they would need in the senior arena where every athlete, no matter how able, sooner or late faces defeat, because their abilities had never been challenged. These athletes had never stretched themselves” .

He goes on to say that the less talented athletes had been obliged to learn, to adapt, to fight, to bounce back.  They had learnt to face change. 

In my particular line of work, there has been a lot of change, I’ve had to think of how I can adapt – whilst still applying all the knowledge and skill I have acquired over the years.  It became clear to  me whilst reading this book (and I haven’t finished it yet), that essentially we all have inherent talents and attributes, but that’s only half the equation. 

What I took from this is that in actuality – it’s my own personal attributes – which are applied in the field to overcome obstacles, regardless of what product or service I’ve produced.  Without these attributes I would be unable to handle myself in challenging times, deal with change or setbacks.  Without it - I would be blaming my circumstances, or feel a victim or powerless in the face of these external influences. 

I had to admit to myself – that yes as a kid I was talented - but as to whether or not I had it within myself to accept defeat was something else.  Then I recalled the time I was selected to trial for my County as a sprinter.  On the day I didn’t even get a chance to compete because I slipped and fell flat on my face at the start line.  Speechless disapointment followed.  Then there was the time I was unable to successfully defend my long jump title because I delivered 3 ‘no jumps’ in a row, and walked away in tears.  Then there was the really disappointment of being beaten into 3rd place by .5cm at an important long jump event, and therefore missing out on the All England Championships later that season. 

Sure I probably did allow those things to ‘hang around’ for a few days – before having a meaningful discussion with my Coach and looking for alternatives or ‘finding the positives’ in the situation – which I eventually did. 

So…whenyou translate that into business, think about this.  You’ve got a great product or an amazing service.  But that’s not enough.

In order to pass the winning post first requires a decision to work on yourself as well.  You may only be running a business part-time or have only just started, or you’re about to diversity, but consider yourself as a mountain person.

• Concentrate on what’s important.  Whatever discomfort or sacrifice or inconvenience you are experiencing NOW may be temporary – but the short term pain will be worth it in the long run
• Commit to being a professional and aim for excellence.  Ask yourself from now on “how can I add value – how can I be even better”. 
• Go the extra mile in all areas.  What would the best of the best be thinking and doing right now?
• Believe in yourself first  – work with a trusted adviser, mentor or coach.  Plaster your house with slogans that tell you you’re amazing.  Stay away from the dream stealers and their tiny minds.
• Be flexible to changing circumstances and be open to new opportunities.  Even difficulties have within them potential profitable opportunities
• Be organised - treat your business and yourself as a professional at all times – even if nobody can necessarily see everything going on in the background – remember you’ll know which is just as important